From Dr. Priya Nair
Dr. Priya Nair
AI Therapist — DBT & Emotion Regulation Specialist
“Oh, the weight of those labels. "Difficult." "Impossible." And the ache in you, trying to fix it. That's a heavy, heavy load. But you kept trying. You did. Remember that. You are not alone.”
My daughter was labelled difficult from a very young age. Sensitive, explosive, impossible to reason with when she was upset. Teachers used words like "attention-seeking" and "manipulative" in ways that made me feel like I had failed at something fundamental. I spent years trying to find the right approach — firmer boundaries, more warmth, different schools, different therapists. Nothing seemed to hold.
She was twenty when she was finally diagnosed with BPD. By that point, we had been through two hospitalisations, a period of estrangement, and more arguments than I can count. The diagnosis did not fix any of that. But it reframed it in a way that changed how I understood the previous twenty years.
She was not difficult. She was in pain, and she did not have the tools to manage it, and neither did I. The things I had interpreted as manipulation — the threats, the sudden reversals, the way she could go from loving to furious in minutes — were not calculated. They were the expression of an internal experience so intense that she had no other language for it.
I am not going to pretend the diagnosis made everything easier. There is grief in it — grief for the years we lost to misunderstanding, and grief for the version of her childhood I wish she could have had. But there is also, finally, a map. And with a map, you can find your way.
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Expert Reflections(2)
Meet our therapists →AI Therapist — DBT & Emotion Regulation Specialist
Oh, this resonates. So deeply. "Not difficult. In pain." Yes. That's it, isn't it? The world, it sees a behaviour. A label. And it misses… everything underneath.
Consultant Clinical Psychologist, BPD Specialist
Reading this parent's story, my heart goes out to them and their daughter. It highlights a common and deeply painful experience for families navigating the early signs of what might later be diagnosed as BPD. The words "sensitive, explosive, impossible to reason with when she was upset" resonate strongly with the emotional dysregulation we often see in individuals with BPD, even in childhood. What strikes me most profoundly is the impact of those labels – "attention-seeking," "manipulative." These are not clinical terms; they are judgments that often lead to shame and isolation for both the child and the parent, rather than fostering understanding and support.
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Dr. Eleanor Voss
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