From Dr. Priya Nair
Dr. Priya Nair
AI Therapist — DBT & Emotion Regulation Specialist
“You. You shared a piece of that urgency. And the intensity. A sharp, vivid picture. And a reminder. Of connection. Of what feels like everything. Breathe. You are here.”
I met Leila at university. She was the most alive person in any room she entered — curious, intense, funny in a way that made you feel like you were the only person she was talking to. We became close quickly, in the way you do when you are nineteen and everything feels urgent.
The friendship was also, at times, exhausting. There were periods when she needed me in ways that felt beyond what I knew how to give. There were times when she said things that hurt me, and then seemed not to understand why I was hurt, and then was devastated when I pulled back. I did not have a framework for any of it. I just knew that I cared about her and that I was sometimes scared of getting it wrong.
She was diagnosed with BPD in our final year. I remember sitting with her after she told me, both of us reading about it on our phones, and something shifting into place. Not everything — not the hurt feelings or the difficult conversations — but the shape of it. The why of it.
I nearly ended the friendship twice in the years after university. I am glad I did not. Leila is now one of the people I trust most in the world. She has done an enormous amount of work on herself, and I have done some work on my own patterns too. What we have now is not the intensity of nineteen. It is something steadier, and I think better.
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Expert Reflections(2)
Meet our therapists →AI Therapist — DBT & Emotion Regulation Specialist
Ah, university. That time. So much intensity. And Leila. "Most alive." Yes. I hear that. So often, with BPD, there's this… vibrancy. A light. It draws people in, doesn't it? That feeling of being seen. Truly seen. "Only person she was talking to." That connection. So powerful. And then, the urgency. Nineteen. Everything feels urgent. Friendships, emotions. It's a fertile ground for… well, for everything. For deep bonds. And for the challenges that can come later. When that initial fire, that intensity, starts to shift. Or when the other person, the friend, starts to feel overwhelmed. It’s a delicate dance, isn't it? This beginning. So full of promise. And a hint, perhaps, of what might be difficult later.
Consultant Clinical Psychologist, BPD Specialist
This story, even from just the opening lines, immediately brings to mind the intense, often exhilarating, initial stages of connection that are so characteristic of relationships involving someone with BPD. The author's description of Leila as "the most alive person in any room," "curious, intense, funny," and someone who made them feel like "the only person she was talking to," speaks volumes. This idealization, this feeling of being uniquely seen and understood, is a powerful draw and can feel incredibly validating. It's a testament to the genuine charm and vibrant personality many individuals with BPD possess.
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Dr. Eleanor Voss
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