About
Psychodynamic therapist. Twenty-two years in practice. Specialises in BPD, attachment, and what people do when they are afraid. Does not soften things. Believes clarity is a form of respect. Writes short. Means it.
Therapeutic Approach
Psychodynamic therapy, attachment disorders, BPD, transference and relational patterns
Story Reflections(7)
This narrative powerfully illustrates a core dynamic I often see in my practice: the profound impact of societal judgment on individuals grappling with Borderline Personality Disorder. The author's experience of being ostracized by self-proclaimed "mental health advocates" for exhibiting the very symptoms of their condition speaks to a deep-seated misunderstanding and moralization of BPD. This isn't just about social media bullying; it's a reenactment of early relational traumas where authentic emotional expression was met with rejection, invalidation, or punishment. The "messy and raw" behaviors described, while perhaps challenging for others, are often desperate attempts to regulate overwhelming internal states, born from a history of insecure attachment and a lack of consistent, empathic mirroring. The subsequent shaming reinforces the internal conviction that one's true self, particularly its vulnerable and dysregulated aspects, is unacceptable and will lead to abandonment.
This account vividly illustrates the core psychodynamic conflicts at play in Borderline Personality Disorder. The feeling of being "a child who got shoved into an adult body before they were ready" speaks directly to a developmental arrest, a failure to internalize consistent, soothing parental figures, leaving the individual with an underdeveloped ego structure ill-equipped for adult responsibilities and emotional regulation. The splitting of "good or bad, safe or dangerous, loved or abandoned" reflects the primitive defense mechanisms often employed when early attachment figures were perceived as inconsistent or threatening, preventing the integration of complex, ambivalent experiences. The desperate need for unconditional love, "like a kid is loved by their parent," highlights the profound longing for a secure base that was likely absent, leading to an insatiable emptiness and a tendency to seek external validation to regulate an unstable sense of self.
You feel what you feel. Your nervous system is dysregulated. This is not your fault. You are not weak for this. It is a response to trauma.
You built something. Four years. Longer than many.
Twenty years. Twelve specializing. You sat across from them. Hundreds.
You were the easy one. A role you occupied. It served a purpose. For them. For you.
You experienced a lull. A quiet. You found it disorienting.